Maybe i should be strong, ask for the sea for more luck, and learn how to sail
It was a regular Thursday; I had one class in the morning, I was out by 8:50, a whole day ahead of me and nothing to do. I went home, watched bad grandpa (yes!), had lunch and saw that there was a showtime of the movie “Her”, which I was anticipating to watch. I got to the movies 10 minutes before the session, I ran into the room where there was one guy sitting with a couple of bags on the seat next to him and a hat that, with the lighting of the cinema, made hard to see his face. With plenty of room to pick I chose to seat where I most felt confortable and waited for the movie to start immerged on my cellphone, like a good born and raised generation y, while some ads were going on the screen.
Soon enough the actual previews for upcoming films started showing while this short haired brunette girl came into the room, she ran up the stairs and sat somewhere behind me. It was dark but I could tell she was pretty, or not, but I have a weakness for girls with short hair. It was only us three watching the movie so when there was something funny we laughed together, and it might sound sad or needy, but I just felt a connection. We watched the movie, laughed together, I cried and I think I heard the pretty girl cry too. I couldn’t help but wanting to talk to her the whole movie, and sometimes I’d even get a little distracted by these thoughts. By the end of the session the guy went right out before the cool credits ended (the ones where one name appears at a time, the lined one is the one that I’m kind of lazy about).
He went out and I found the perfect opportunity to turn around and find there were two rows behind me. I’d ask her name and talk about the movie; we’d walk out of there together in a very engaging conversation. So engaging that she’d ask me if I was doing anything and I’d say that I was heading to the apple store to fix my phone’s screen and she’d offer to accompany me. We’d talk while I wait for the guy to fix it and after we’d go to the mall’s cafe and talk while I had a acai berry iced tea and she would be not sure about having a hot or cold beverage, she’d eventually pick coffee. The talk about the movie would be great and we’d make plans to watch it again together. She’d invite me to take a walk and I would accept it, even with the possibility of being late for work. We’d walk to find out that we have everything to do with each other.
Instead, when the cool credits ended and it was about halfway of the boring ones I took a glance back to see her comfortably seating with her feet up on the seat in front of her. I was right; she was (is) beautiful. I left the her in the cinema. She left this story in my mind.
So I’ve moved away from my friends to go to college, I’ve been living in Rhode Island for a year now and made no consistent friends. Just colleagues, no one i can trust and know he/she will tell me the truth no matter what. Anyways, lately my friends have been hanging out a lot and having a lot of time together, i don’t feel like i have a place with them anymore. I think they’re sufficient. Nothing explicit, they almost tell me how they miss me and wish I was there, but still.
I hadn’t realized it until just now, and I can change my mind about this or not. I’m ambivalent most times. I’m not hating on them, it was just a perception thing. We have a group where we chat, and the subject there needed to be explained to me because they were doing some outside joke that i wasn’t a part of. I knew this day would eventually come, but it feels different. Like I don’t fit there anymore. So I called my closest one of the group to talk, but she couldn’t which only made me feel more replaceable.
Maybe this is nothing, or maybe this is the end. I was never the person to say best friends forever but somewhere in my mind I thought that they would be. Maybe we outgrew each other, and i didn’t realize it. Maybe i’m overreacting, as always, but maybe this really is a period. Or a comma. It happens, people change. I just hoped I had other friends to turn to.